Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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