I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
