you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
