I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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