well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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