He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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