I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
