I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
A+ Viking dick
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
