I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
