the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
