standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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