The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
