In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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