so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
