Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
