I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
