sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
