oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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