can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
