somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize