i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
