chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
