Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
