I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
