R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
