Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
