hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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