I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
