I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize