thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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