It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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