Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
