Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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