saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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