I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
