sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
