Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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