So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
