Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
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