So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
