I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You need Xanax blowdarts
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
There's even glitter on my cock...
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