So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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