dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
We are all done wearing pants today
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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