Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
