not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
