i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
