Rock
Scissors
Fuck
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize