I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Randomize
