butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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