is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
