He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
