Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
my liver is dry heaving
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
