The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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