A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
