she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
