My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
