I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
