i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
