At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
