they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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