Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
