a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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