whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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