I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She told me I should be a condom model.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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