I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
