Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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