i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
