Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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