HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
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