you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
